What a Meme Made Me Realise: On Changes, Time, and Death
Are you prepared for the good and the bad coming up? (I wasn't.)
○ Seasons change; life moves on…
Leaves like feathers fall
Blood-red on a snow-white sky
Serenity reigns
– Cecilia Clennell
A blizzard of changes hit me recently.
It is expected when you move to the next grade. The level of studies rises, the classes shuffle, the environment changes.
Yet, coming to eleventh hit me in the gut the hardest yet.
In my previous grades, I had been lucky.
There was a “magic” that made me adore school. (I know, shocking.) The dynamics between me and my class were superb, my friends were my life, and my teachers made me love the subjects — ‘twas a protected bubble.
Then, this bubble popped; reality burst in.
This time, several of my closest friends shifted to other sections. The loving teachers were replaced. The expectations and the burdens hiked exponentially.
The affection, the familiarity, the guidance vanished in thin air in a blink.
The “magic” faded (or at least I thought so; more on this later). Most of us found ourselves alone and were seen as independent enough to not bother much with.
I couldn’t wrap my head around the white uniform. Nobody could initially.
The enormity of my circumstances hit me when I caught an inside joke in one of my classes … and looking around, I realised there was nobody around I could share the silent laugh with.
Nobody near to complain about the boring topic.
Nobody near to have fun with.
Nobody near to secretly play knots and crosses with.
This loneliness was new and blunt until recently. It all felt suffocating — drowning in an abyss of hopelessness.
The order and rules set for my life till now had collapsed.
Autumn had arrived. The fallen leaves had left the trees naked and shivering without replacement or warning. Winter was Coming.
So, when I came across this Percy Jackson meme, I literally couldn’t control the hot tears that plastered my face out of the blue.
All the tension knotted inside me for days unfurled at the moment.
Over the wintry
Forest, winds howl in rage
With no leaves to blow.- Natsume Sōseki
This led me to wonder about time.
○On the notorious cause of these changes — TIME
Time is an illusion.
A fantastic one. An element which has confounded the best of the best.
Every day, I get proofs and proofs of this short, profound statement.
During boring classes, where I struggle to hide my yawns, the clock’s minutes pass slower than a slug, pressing on me, my heart imploring it to move quicker.
Yet, an hour is too small when I am surrounded by things I love. The clock is faster when I am enjoying my time, insistent on completing its duty more speedily than an F1 Race car.
Growing up has been a weird and mind-blowing experience.
Feels like I have been dumped on Earth just a few days ago.
I have been one for merely a day (can’t remember it), ten for a blissful period that passed so very quickly (so carefree!), and a teen for the longest time ever (untrue, dear). One day, I will be nineteen (full of youth), then twenty-nine (full of experience), then fifty-nine (full of pink dyed hair ), and then sixty-nine (full of memories).
It is hard to remember when all of the stuff that happened happened.
I can't remember the point when adults started cursing around me without apologizing, or when I was allowed to get my own food.
I can't remember when I stopped sliding into my mom's bed after having a bad night.
I can't remember when my mom stopped chopping my food up at dinner, or when my mom stopped checking on me while I was in the bath.
I don't remember things changing, I don't remember growing up.
Years can go faster than a blink, and you may never know till the very end.
Time doesn’t listen to my whims and whines. Not yours, not anyone’s. Beware!
We are DOOMED! Destined to Hades. We will never be here again. That is what makes life so precious. Everything gets more beautiful.
I feel I have always been alive, the past, the present, and the future are one and have occurred, I have kissed death already, and that I am patiently waiting for my consciousness to catch up.
The bitter, unchangeable truth:
The golden moments always and always will pass, and always and always my heart will ache when the memories of those days gone will resurface.
Acceptance is the key here.
The past is dead; the future unborn; both unreachable.
Read that again.
○What do you do in Winter?
The period of pain at the thought of school without the magic has passed fortunately. (You have to harden yourself when there is no other option.) I learnt a few things I would like to share with you.
Changes are not easy. Some of them are necessary. Some of them hurt. No use to resist them.
You have to make use of the cards you have been blessed with.
I found out many pros of this session I had overlooked in misery. Nothing is completely bad. There’s always a silver lining to look for.
Now that I am settled, I feel I can enjoy school again.
Whenever you are going through turbulent times, remember that it will too pass, so decide whether you want to have this period as a bitter or a sweet memory.
The worst quality you can possess?
Lord Voldemort constitutes of my top criticisms of Harry Potter.
The characters, the friendships, the reveals and the consequences — all won my heart. Yet the villain takes away me awarding it top ratings. I wish I could have been more concerned about Harry’s fate.
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named ain’t a God; of course he made mistakes.
One miss.
Two misses.
But three misses at killing a teen?
And more to come? The joke gets too old to digest.
Let us go through the soulless man’s most heinous mistakes and fiascos:
(Hint: The reason is similar in all cases.)
A TRIBUTE TO MY GRANDFATHER
Dear grandfather,
I know words won’t be able to do justice to the magnificent portrait of the life you had.
No matter how eloquently I express my heart, no matter how many people know about you, you won’t return and give that rumbling laugh of yours again.
But, I must try. So, I’ll present snapshots of what I remember about you and capture that part of you here.
To get born, your body makes a pact with death, and from that moment, all it tries to do is cheat.
- Louise Glück
When I think about you, the first thing that hits my mind is your relationship with birds.
Whenever I visited, we would be sure to visit the terrace. The chirps and calls of crows, pigeons, and sparrows would engulf us as they waited to be fed paneer by your wrinkled, huge hands. You would beam while you satisfied the animals around.
Book Rant!!!
Colleen Hoover is the rage these days.
I found most of her books overhyped and problematic, like Ugly Love.
I was very excited to delve into this much-acclaimed friends-with-benefits dynamics. The world allegedly cried when it read this heart-touching book.
Boy, I haven’t felt this disgusted in a long time.
Only the beginning, the tropes, and YouTube convinced me to complete the book. I regret wasting my time.
Here’s why:
The underwhelming ride:
My friend got over the moon and cried because of the “blowing” plot twist and the ending.
For me, everything went on predictably.
I had guessed what would happen, and instead of shedding tears, I rolled my eyes. The vital moments rolled out in a dreary fashion, partly because I couldn’t care about the characters.The sexist wordings:
Isn’t it ironical that the classics are more progressive and feminist than these contemporary romances?
The female lead had a career of no importance, nor did her feelings matter. When the guy and another girl played “house”, it was the girl cooking and the guy touching her.The wrong message:
What I surmised from this book:
If the guy does absolutely shitty things but is handsome and has trauma, the girl is supposed to absolve his crimes and love him unconditionally.
What are you conveying to the youth, Colleen Hoover?
Toxic relationships are NOT romantic.Bad prose: Half of the book was a poem; the other half had monstrous nonsense filled.
Example One:
“Rachel is happy.
I make Rachel happy.
I make Rachel’s life better.
Her life is better with me in it.”
Example Two:
“We go to the beach.
Rachel wants to sunbathe while she reads.
I want to watch Rachel sunbathe while she reads.”
Example Three:
“Miles smiles
For no one else
Miles only smiles
For me.”
Colleen Hoover could do better in every aspect of her book.
Do you agree with me?
Class 11 hits so different. Upto 10th boards, everything—like legit everything—is fun and games....