Handling Failures With Grace, Success, and Curiosity
If the possibility of failure were erased, what would you attempt to achieve? ― John Maxwell
Life is you facing one problem after the other. Living without any obstacles is boring and mundane. The euphoria you feel after crossing a boulder is worth it.
Society has programmed us to deal with our mistakes and problems the wrong way.
(Tell me if you relate.)
Till a few years ago, whenever I made a mistake, no matter how insignificant or unintentional, I used to flinch, waiting for reprimands.
Imperfection was a sin.
Be it scoring less than A1, breaking a vase, or hurting someone, I would soak in extreme guilt as a sponge. I would freeze in panic and anxiety — as if the roof was going to fall and there was no door as an escape.
I did not understand that to err was human.
Similarly, when problems larger than anticipated struck, they would render me blank. I would be panicked beyond measure. My mental health would waver; I could not function.
I could find no way to rescue myself.
Those days were a hellish place to live in.
Then, I understood what I was doing wrong.
How do you deal with failures?
The essence of man is imperfection. Know that you're going to make mistakes. The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does. Wake up and realize this: Failure is simply a price we pay to achieve success.
― John Maxwell
We hate and fear them, but failures are necessary in your life.
Be it scoring poorly, getting rejected, or losing a contest, they enrich your life with lessons.
Failures humble you. They open your eyes to reality and prepare you for the future. It is vital to embrace your mistakes and reforge yourself from them into a better, brighter, and more powerful human.
You cannot always be succeeding. That’s the norm of life.
Hence, what you do in those low moments defines you.
Asim Qureshi, former Vice President at Morgan Stanley, shared his journey with failing.
“I got rejected by Oxford.
It was the biggest rejection of my life. My dreams destroyed by the opening of a single letter - I guess most of us have been there.
I was told that if I reapplied with straight As in my A-levels (Maths, Further Maths, Physics and Economics) my chances of success were high.
The important thing is that I didn't feel sorry for myself or get depressed. Frankly, I wanted it so bad I should have.
…
I kept my cool, worked enough, got 4 As and an S-level distinction in Physics, which, at the time, were kick ass grades, even for someone at Oxbridge.
…
A few weeks later I got a letter. This one gave me the pleasure of watching my dad cry for the first time - out of happiness.”
“How you deal with failure, not success, defines you.”
—Asim Qureshi
Life isn’t a straight line, and your reaction to negative experiences defines your character.
It’s all about perspective. Look at the experience as a lesson to learn from, instead of an “all is lost” moment, and see the difference.
Giving up is useless in most cases. When one door closes, another opens. Life is about endless possibilities.
The world will continue spinning even if you fail in the first go.
Work hard and look for the next best opportunity enthusiastically.
Handling ugly personal problems
Everyone’s lives have issues of no fault of one’s — your parents divorcing, financial woes, a toxic friend ruining your sleep, family disputes getting ugly, or your dog passing away.
Nobody invited them.
Yet they’re at your doorstep, ready to disrupt your life.
I went through a similar crisis. My state became so fragile for a few months you could have knocked me down with a feather.
I was simply inept at dealing with those trials, leading to frequent breakdowns and an inability to work.
I had given up. I thought I would always stay behind and broken in life.
Coincidentally, a mentor spelt out her difficult childhood. Her words opened my eyes.
When asked how she overcame the challenges, she said she strengthened herself mentally and did not bow down. Life favours the brave.
No matter how daunting these issues may seem, believe you are stronger and you WILL be.
You’re not alone; there are people out there who will support you through thick and thin.
But, the battle ultimately is yours alone.
You’re your hero. Tap the hidden potential. Nobody is coming to pick you up and clean your mess.
Let nothing deter you from your path to glory.
As often said, when you have a will, there unlocks a way.
Our lives can be beautiful with some effort and toughening.
If it doesn’t kill you, it will make you stronger — with a twist
If it does not kill you, it will make you stronger is a controversial saying. I loathe it.
It implies that no matter the number of traumatic experiences you have gone through, having another life-threatening experience won’t affect you.
Those who have gone through such harsh times know how stupid it sounds.
Healing is not easy, and it takes the right environment, time and effort.
You never know what a person is going through, and throwing this adage on their faces won’t make them feel better.
I came across this wonderful analogy to justify the saying.
Humans are like furniture.
Say a leg of your table snapped.
You got a huge container of glue, applied it on the edge of the leg, and pasted it.
If you immediately apply pressure on it … it will break into even more pieces.
Not much on the invincible stuff, eh?
If you let it dry properly, it will be stronger than ever.
Even better.
That is the thing with harrowing incidents. When you come out of the situation, you are fragile and vulnerable.
As time passes, most of us heal and can face the same adversity again with a better face. Rest and help are important here.
Heal first, and never be daunted by life.
To reflect: Where are you failing?
Maths — the fear of every student — once became a wobbly area for me. I could not score well. My self-esteem suffered in front of my eyes.
Then I fell in love with the subject.
I made the decision consciously. I visited it every day and sought help until I could solve the problems and understand the concepts with ease. It became my favourite subject.
Similarly, think about the areas where you are not achieving the best results.
Be curious.
What is the cause, and how can you improve?
No issue is invincible if you have a growth mindset.
So what if you’re failing now? Nothing is stopping you — except your excuses — from improving, coming back, and finally winning.
Write the issue to figure it out.
Act. Begin taking baby steps towards it until you defeat the demon.
And then?
Search for another obstacle to vanquish and enjoy the thrill.
Curiosity Never Killed The Cat
Society looks down upon those who ask questions and dare to wonder. It is unconventional and uncomfortable.
The idiom ‘Curiosity killed the cat’ reflects the fixed mindset.
We are told not to poke into what others are doing and stay content with what we have. Most of us do not possess the spark we used to have as a child — the urgent bubbling sensation to know and discover.
Curiosity is a fabulous trait to possess and develop.
To succeed, beware of ROCKS!
In 1911, two explorers — Britain’s Robert Falcon Scott and Norway’s Roald Amundsen — raced to become the first person to reach the South Pole.
Scott had a slight edge over the other.
He had already tried to get to the South Pole in the expedition of 1901. Though it had failed, he had returned alive and gotten the necessary experience to try again.
Roald Amundsen had wanted to reach the North Pole.
When he heard somebody else had been there before him, he switched his target to the South Pole.
~~~And so, the race began.~~~
Two passionate explorers were on their way to the coldest and most dangerous of places.
The result was shocking.